African Hair Braiding

Ok maybe that title is a little broad, but it's 2.44am and I can't think of a more apt title. I have been having writer's block or should i say blogger's block. Probably, because the thoughts in my head are not things I want to blog about yet. Anyways, before I ramble off topic, I went to go get my hair braided on Sat and OMG, I was so aggravated. The regular lady I use, who is not perfect, was not available so I had to find someone else. Men are so lucky they don't have to deal with ish like this. So, I had an appointment with the braider for 4pm and she called me at 9.30am saying that she had a cancellation and could I come then? I had just washed my hair, so hurriedly dried it and rushed there sans breakfast. The only portable edible I had was a peach and a bottle of gatorade. So, I get there at 10.15am, and she is only halfway done with someone's weave. I was just like why why why why why???? WHy did she make me come then, only to waste my time?

Finally we started on my hair around 11.30 - noon. I got the look I typically get when hair braiders discover my hair is natural. She was like "please comb your hair well", so i took out my comb and did. Next she starts and is like, "you don't like perming your hair?" I puzzled over the question, but a witty comment escaped me since I was hungry. I just said "no". Next she partitioned the hair and her fingers reached for a dollop of "JAM" and "blue magic". I screeched and was like what are you doing? I don't want those things. We argued back and forth and she finally gave in to not using "grease" but said and i quote "your hair is too nappy and I can't braid it without the jam, I will only use a little." Can you imagine the ignorant twat? How come all the people that have braided my hair in the past, including myself have done so without jam? But, I was desperate so I let her. I hope when it is time to take these braids down I don't regret it. For the umpteenth time, the thought crossed my mind that I should just be braiding my hair myself no matter how long it takes, cos it will thank me later.

I love technology, but when I go to these African hair braiders, I curse at it, 'cos they all have cell phones, and no matter what day of the week, they make endless calls to Senegal, Gambia, Ghana, Nigeria. So the entire time she (they) are tugging relentlessly on my *nappy* head...I am hearing shrieks of loud phone conversation...'cos soft speech is not feasible in these African hair braiders.

Have you experienced the ones that have children? One lady left my hair every 15mins to attend her nonstop crying child. Another's little bundle of joy [brat] spilled his drink all over me. In another situation, like i wasn't paying enough money, the lady made me hand her the sections of hair and I had to do that while protecting my purse and novel from her little terror. Aaaargh...

They look at me weirdly when I cringe when they cough or sneeze over my head without covering. They look at me weirdly when I insist on using my own combs. They look at me weirdly when I decline pink oil or oil spray at the end. They look at me weirdly when I tell them to not make it tiny. They look at me weirdly when I ask them to be gentle on the edges. They look at me weirdly when I try to explain that I'd rather have rough hair than broken edges. My experience with them is a battle of wills. Finally, 4- 8hrs later or in the case of my most recent experience, 9 freaking hours later...not counting the 1.5hrs I had to wait while she finished the weave, I get to escape...and then she hands me her cards to give my friends and come back again. I say "thank you" and smile as my mind does a black chick neck roll and screams HELL NO!