Emotional

For a world with so much promise there seems to also be so much pain. Do you ever ponder what it means to be a woman? We are each unique in our own way, but more often than not we share a common bond called emotion. Emotion is powerful. It destroys. We see the damage manifest in the way we treat our loved ones or other humans. You know, stories of the mother who lets her boyfriends molest her daughters just so she can hold on to an illusion. Emotion builds. We see this manifested in the causes we foster and the ways we cherish. You know, that mother who adopted 5 handicapped kids. You may wonder where all of this is coming from? Well I just watched "for colored girls" again. It's been a while. I last saw it in the theaters when it came out and boy I forgot what an emotional wringer it could be...or maybe that is just me. Coincidentally it ended up being a sort of befitting ending to the month I had. Today marked the end of my psychiatry rotation and boy was I exposed to emotion and how messed up life can be. Definitely grateful for life and what I have but it still doesn't stop the questions of "why" creeping in and a sense of helplessness. I won't get all political here because I am simply not that smart or deep...most of my opinions come from the depths of feelings and anecdotes and occasionally backed up by fact. Just wanted to say this month exposed me to how anorexic mental health resources are. Mental health issues are linked to crime, to addiction, to senseless violence and childhood trauma. I hope I can find my path to helping. Empathy. Empathy is an emotion I take for granted, thinking it exists in everyone. When you hear pain you feel pain. Anyone who has ever been hurt should be able to draw unto that feeling when faced with another person's pain. The movie made me think about the lives of every woman I know including myself, heck even here on blogville and honestly, I can't think of any woman who has led a truly charmed life without having a painful or difficult life incident. Then I thought of my male friends and brothers and I can't think of their pain. Do they just keep it in or do most guys also have at least one painful incident as they come unto their own, apart from like say an unexpected illness or child abuse. Even basic heartbreak (basic in the sense that it seems like the most common negative experience that most women seem to share)...I don't take it for granted that most guys have experienced this. Well this was a ramble...but i felt better letting my thoughts out, so thanks. I leave you with a TED talk from a spoken word poet...wish I had more spoken word in my life. Ciao.

http://www.ted.com/talks/sarah_kay_if_i_should_have_a_daughter.html

Follow your dreams

My grandaunt wrote a book!!! She is living proof that no matter how old you are it is never too late to follow a dream. Go grab your copy, and most importantly don't ever ever give up on your dreams. It is never too late. Good luck.


www.amazon.com/EjituruNwangangaShields/dp/1483601803/ref=sr_1_1ie=UTF8&qid=1363473906&sr=8-1&keywords=ejituru

100 truths

Trying to see if I can do at least one blog post a month, but of course i am lazy and then i ran across this 100 truths thingie on taynement's blog which seemed like an easy way to get a post out and sometimes truth telling can be fun...so here's mine:

1. Last drink: Melon flavored Starbucks refresher.
2. Last phone call: Titi
3. Last text message: Lili
4. Last song you listened to: who am i - casting crowns
5. Last time you cried: The day before the oscars while watching silver linings playbook...yeah i am one of those wusses

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
6. Dated someone twice: Nope
7. Been cheated on: I think so. Well you judge: had an ex break up with me by saying he met someone else, but claimed they had only been talking online.
8. Kissed someone: Yes.
9. Lost someone special: No...and I am anxious about it
10. Been depressed: Yes.

11. Been drunk and threw up: yes, once

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLOURS:

12. purple...duh blog name
13. burgundy
14. red
15. maybe burnt orange. truthfully anything is fair game after the purple and red spectrum

HAVE YOU:
16. Made new friends:  Yes
17. Fallen out of love: Nope.
18. Laughed until you cried: no actually
19. Met someone who changed you: Yes
20. Found out who your true friends were: I guess
21. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah...apparently this girl who liked one of my exes thought that I looked like a housegirl (maid for my non-nigerians) with my natural hair :)
22. Kissed anyone on your friends list: maybe. i would have to go through the list to know for sure and i am busy filling this out :)
23. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: all
25. Do you have any pets: Not yet, but i long for a dog...some kind of poodle mix
26. Do you want to change your name: Nope
27. What did you do for your last birthday: Just had it actually. Went to the best restaurant i have ever eaten in and had the Chef's tasting menu. A place that makes brussel sprouts taste like candy...is simply amazing. If you ever come to Cincinnati, look up Boca.
28. What time did you wake up today:  9.30am...was kinda supposed to be at work at 7.30am
29. What were you doing at midnight last night: watching Lekki Wives..and i have a blog post coming  on that
30. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Having my dreams come true
31. Last time you saw your father: sept 2011
32. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: kinda wish i was happily married already :) emphasis on happily...not just marrying for marrying sake
33. What are you listening to right now: my coworker
34. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yes
35. What’s getting on your nerves right now?: my contacts irritating my eyes
36. Most visited webpage: my blog to link to other blogs
37. Current city: cincy, OH
38. Nicknames: babycakes, OG, gomgom, OG triple OG
39. Relationship Status: in a relationship
40. Zodiac Sign: Pisces
41. Male or female or transgendered: female
42. Primary School: Essence and St Glorias
43. Middle School: nada
44. High school: Nigerian Navy, Queen's college

45. Hair color:  1B
46. Long/medium/short: medium
47. Height: 5′ 6
48. Do you have a crush on someone: No
49: What do you like about yourself: easy going when it comes to relating to others
50. Piercings: ears and belly button
51. Tattoos: None
52. Righty or Lefty: Righty

FIRSTS:
53. First Surgery: abscess (i refuse to say where)
54. First Piercing: Ears
55. First Best Friend: Moj Moj
56. First Sport you Joined: probably soccer
57. First Pet: my dog rocky
58. First Vacation: Europe as a kid
59. First Concert: and only concert BoyzIImen
60. First Crush: growing up i was such a crusher, hard to remember who the first was lol

RIGHT NOW:
61. Eating: gum
62. Drinking: Nothing
63. Already missing: sleep
64. I’m about to: go to bed
65. Listening to: Revenge (tv show) on the background
66. Thinking about: how to entertain my friend visiting tomorrow
67. Waiting for: some of my dreams to come true

YOUR FUTURE:
68. Want kids: yes
69. Want to get married: like now, but trying to be patient :) 
70. Careers in mind: wondering if i can use my career to benefit naija in some way

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
71. Lips or eyes: Lips
72. Hugs or kisses: Kisses
73. Shorter or taller: Taller
74. Older or Younger: Older in terms of just meeting, but life has shown me that age does not equal maturity
75. Romantic or spontaneous: Romantic
76. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach. I don't really know that I have ever met a normal, healthy guy without nice or passable arms. Arms are rarely ugly, so I am not sure why they count.
77. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive if it means in tune with my emotions. Definitely not loud if it means attention seeking.
78. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
79. Trouble maker or hesitant:  Hesitant

HAVE YOU EVER:
81. Drank hard liquor: Yes
82. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope, when your vision is so poor can't lose such for long
83. Kissed on 1st date: Yes
84: Broken someone’s heart: Unfortunately, yes
85. Had your own heart broken: Definitely
86. Been arrested: woah...and no
87. Turned someone down: Yes
88. Cried when someone died: Not that I remember
89. Liked a friend that is of the same sex: No

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself: Hmm this is an interesting question. I want to say yes, because generally in life I have a pretty good self esteem but I can be a little self deprecating and for some reason at work I have moments where i doubt myself. So I guess I will say for the most part.
91. Miracles: Definitely
92. Love at first sight: No
93. Heaven: I don't know
94. Santa Claus: No
95. Kissing on the first date: I wouldn't say I believe in it, like it's a mantra or something, but if it happens I see nothing wrong with it.
96. Angels: Kind of...

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now?: Yes and he is at home, while I am stuck here at work.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time?: No, I am a bad liar so it would be hard to manage.
99. Wish you could change things in your past?: yes please
100. Are you posting this as 100 Truths?:  Yes oh and I don't really know that there was anything new to learn about me lol

looking forward to reading your answers to your 100 truths!

Just saying Hi

So I was feeling somewhat bored and restless, doing my blog rounds and wondering why I have such a long blog roll yet I only have 1 or 2 new posts to read a day if I am lucky. I am like why don't these bloggers blog more often, and then I look at the date of my last post and I quietly close the page and hold my peace :) But hey...I am here and ready to write. That sounds like I have big news or something...which is so not true...just more like a "hiya and here are some updates".

I must say 2013 started interestingly. I went to Haiti for one week at the end of January and man it was an experience. I have always wanted to be involved in some sort of medical mission trip, but I have always been the struggling International student so such travels were not possible. Shoo it would not have even been possible now, if not for my significant other (i always struggle with how to refer to him on this blog...boyfriend sounds so juvenile somehow, lol). So here is a shout out to S.Os who are supportive of their partner's dreams. I am really glad that I got a chance to help those less fortunate than I am and I am glad for all the things they taught me in return...like how family is so important. Yes the patients there, no matter how emaciated or scary their wounds looked were lovingly looked after by members of their family. I am talking about family members being the ones to clean the patient after toileting and changing their wound dressing. It is not something I see here, where such tasks are delegated to nurses. I also saw how a sick baby with hydrocephalus could still give such unconditional love and that enriched my soul. And for those of you that love donating to good causes check this out www.projectstitch.org
In a nutshell, it's a website for the Haitian spinal cord injury patients that had been written off by society and now they can learn a trade and gain self worth and help support their families. Anyways, Since I started off my year that way, I have an extra oomph in my step and extra gratitude in my outlook.

Meanwhile, isn't it crazy all the things happening in our society? When you think you have heard one horrific news the next comes along and you are like "say what..." Funny enough, I haven't seen much attention on Facebook or Twitter about this cop-killer manhunt and it is not like all over yahoo or CNN...guess law enforcement is trying to keep things below "frenzy" point. I also read this story recently about how some people in Hong Kong are so poor, they lived in cages. Did anyone else see that? If not here's the link: http://news.yahoo.com/hong-kong-poor-living-cages-cubicles-080142335--finance.html

My birthday is fast approaching and I am about to turn 32 yay!!!! Lol, people that know me, know that probably since I reached 21 or 25 I have not had great love for birthdays and I think I had a near nervous breakdown at 30. But man what is it they say? with age comes wisdom.  Well i don't know how wise i am but I sure am hella grateful for being alive and healthy. On wednesday a 31yo was admitted to our hospital with a huge stroke, previously healthy no risk factors. Yesterday, I found out a guy I knew from my school in NC has pancreatic cancer. He has a newborn son. So with all that I have resolved to never bitch again about growing older. I want to be that 90yo who is fit and healthy and can still run. Think I am joking? Then you did not catch the episode of Our America with Lisa Ling on aging. Check this 97yo or the caption under the video out: http://www.oprah.com/own-our-america-lisa-ling/Secret-Lives-of-Seniors-97-Year-Old-Breaks-Track-Record-Video

Random...I sometimes wonder about some bloggers that don't blog anymore: Confused Naija girl (did she ever confront her family about the sexual abuse, were they supportive or not?), Overwhelmed Naija Babe (wish she continued her Mummy Sunday posts), London Buki (how is she doing now?), Adaure Ochumba(surprised i don't even hear anything about her on Linda Ikeji which is how i know Naija media personalities/celebrities), Kpakpando (is she married with a bushel of kids?).

Have a nice weekend and for those of you in the northeast stay safe!

That's God

Have you ever been just sitting there and all of a sudden you feel like doing something nice for someone you care for? THAT'S GOD... 

He talks to you through the Holy Spirit. 

Have you ever been down and out and nobody seems to be around for you to talk to? THAT'S GOD...
He wants you to talk to Him.

Have you ever been thinking about somebody
that you haven't seen in a long time and then
next thing you know... you see them or receive
a phone call from them? THAT'S GOD...
There ! is no such thing as "coincidence."

Have you ever received something wonderful that you didn't even ask for? Like money in the mail, a debt that had mysteriously been cleared, or a coupon to a department store where you had just seen something you wanted,but couldn't afford? THAT'S GOD...
He knows the desires of your heart...

Have you ever been in a situation and you had
no clue how it is going to get better, but now as
you look back on it, you got through it? THAT'S GOD...
He passes us through tribulation to see a brighter day.

(Author Unknown)

Memorable Quote

After a tough week, I came across this awesome quote by Myne Whitman:

"as long as life remains, so does hope, faith, contentment, and other blessings to take joy in"

Thanksgiving 2012

-I learned to say thanks even when my heart isn't in it.

-I learned that my little cousin is an excellent writer. He is 18 and back in high school was your typical popular fun seeking teenager. But I read a heartfelt essay he wrote about how high school years molded him so far and I was impressed.

-You can miss someone so much that it physically moves you to tears at the drop of a hat. Feelings that intense don't come a dime a dozen. Some never even get to experience it in a lifetime.

-I discovered the wonders of loose twists and flexi rods and now with an awesome twist out. For those of us fine haired females that end up with scalpy 2 strand twists, loose twists give that volume. So after a week and 2 days of my twists, I put the twists in flexi rods and unraveled them today and loved it.

-I still get amazed with how different my 3 siblings and I are. My immediate younger brother is a male version of a diva and just loves the finer things of life, my second brother is a hardcore Christian and resourceful, my last brother is conservative and super smart....and me? I am contemporary and governed by my feelings.

-Apparently some of our family friends and extended family don't know my parents have a daughter because I have been away too long in this country.

-Does anyone feel like their mom has a supernatural bond or magical powers? Whether it is having a rough day at work, struggling to fix my car or going for an anonymous doctor's visit, the phone suddenly rings and it's her. I hope and pray I am blessed and privileged to be a mom one day.

-How does God pay attention to the needs of one person in a universe with billions of souls? Sometimes I feel like I need a loudspeaker to him ... or email.

-Comparing yourself to others can drive you crazy. I am me, with my own unique journey through life...which funny enough instead of reassuring me, makes me feel scared. I will take a little break from Facebook.

-Winter is a depressing time. I can't imagine being homeless at a time like this. Saw 2 hungry, black teenagers in Chicago asking for food. Made me sad.

-Fav quote of the week:
“And now that you don't have to be perfect, you can be good.”― John Steinbeck, East of Eden